 In Covenant Discipleship we set
aside normal conversation for holy conversation. This sounds lovely, but it is difficult to get used to.
In normal conversation when someone shares something uncomfortable, we
usually hurry to make them feel better. So, say I share that I am really struggling with how to live out the compassion part of the covenant. I might say, "I get really impatient at other drivers in traffic. I'm in a hurry and they are so inconsiderate! They can't hear me, but sometimes I swear at them. Yet I'm wondering how I can be more compassionate to them."
In normal conversation, we might say, "Oh, I get impatient too." "Everyone does that." "The traffic has gotten so bad lately." "Just yesterday someone cut me off and I almost had an accident." Recognize normal conversation in this?
A few things happen here we are trying to avoid in our covenant process. First, the emotional energy has shifted from the person sharing about her driving issue and dissipated to everyone else. When it is someone's turn to share, the emotional energy needs to stay anchored with her or him until she or he willingly hands it to the next person. A talking stick or candle the speaker holds or places in front of the individual may help signify this. It takes a symbol and practice because this isn't how we normally talk together.
When we do offer comments, the key is to focus on the speaker's concern. "What are you feeling you could do about this?" "What has made you aware of this just now?" "What is your prayer life suggesting to you about this?" "I try praying for people who cut me off; it has changed my commute."
Secondly, we lose the moment of discomfort when we move too quickly. It is uncomfortable to be with someone who is struggling. It is hard not to "fix" it. But doing the work of discipleship involves being uncomfortable. We are uncomfortable thinking about starving people. We are uncomfortable thinking about people with no homes. We are uncomfortable thinking about injustice,
and uncomfortable considering those in our lives who need our compassion. Yet if we are to follow the path of Christ we have to face these issues. There are things we can do, thank God, but we can't fix it by ourselves. We are stuck, if we pay attention, with the pain of it.
So perhaps our sitting together in our discomfort is practice for sitting lovingly with the world's discomfort. Covenant Discipleship is a safe place to try out this way of communicating and caring. So by holy conversation I mean conversation that can listen, offer space for healing, and move us to growth in love.
In our hour of Covenant group, we are trying to shift out of normal conversation into holy conversation. Then, afterward, in the hallway, we can chat and do the normal thing. After some thoughtful listening, a gentle, "I get mad in rush hour too," would be different.
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